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Monday, October 21, 2013

feelings about purpose in life...

you know that feeling right? that feeling in the middle of your stomach, that feeling that is lettin' you know that something is wrong with your life. If it could speak the words would be: "this is not what I want... what is the purpose of my life anyway? You live most of you life in front of a pc screen and then? It is all over? It cannot be just like that". 
Sometimes I feel like that.. Feeling that you can and want more from your life.
But usually you repress that feeling finding excuses such as: "life works this way, is not what everybody is supposed to do? You cannot have everything... yeah right.. life works this way" and so on.
I am today in this kind of mood, well I choose this work, I wanted it and I got it. And I am grateful for this. The fact is that is job has good promises for the future, brings food to the table, allows me to live in a beautiful city and home and most important I can live with my boyfriend (thing that I wanted for all last year). 
The fact is that I somehow feel that my life has no purpose, or better I think I could do something different with my life beyond wake up, exercise,  get dress (appropriately for work), go to work, do repetitive stuff, lunch,  work, do repetitive stuff, get home, find a parking lot, make dinner, dinner, meditate, sleep. Someone, like my lovely soul mate would say "honey this is the thing we call have a work LIFE" ok, for someone this could be ok, but come on!! Why some people work like three day a week get tons of money, work on thing that they really loooove and have tons of fun?
Don get me wrong, I kind of love my life. I am healthy, somehow beautiful, have a job (not a small thing in the country I live), have a lovely boyfriend that reads me Twilight books before bed (and no I am not 15 actually I am 28 if you are wondering), a nice house, some savings and money to pay the rent. You see, when I read this last line I feel a little guilty too, because I want more.. and I think "should I wanting more than this? Am I not lucky enough to have all this stuff? Maybe I just need to repress that feeling and be happy with what I want, my life could be a lot worst… Something could be go very wrong if I want more, somehow life will punish me to be greedy"…BUT I have read enough books and have already felt the feeling of fulfillment that you have waking up in the morning while doing something that you love to just give up to my dreams, I know that everyone deserve to be happy and I have seen it happen so… I WILL KEEP BELIEVE, I will keep to be grateful about my life and to dream big, but most important to think at WHAT KIND OF DREAM I WANT TO ACHIEVE.

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